October 14, 2013

My Top Ten Sexiest Ghost Films

Since I'm always getting accused of sexualising women (as if that's a bad thing!), let's have another top ten list of hot chicks to upset the prudes even more.

This time, it's mostly about the dead 'uns, but not in a creepy, necrophiliac way.

1. Ghost Story (1981)

Ah, Alice Krige. Whether she's Eva Galli or Alma Mobley doesn't matter. She a free spirit whose attractiveness leads to tragedy, but she still has her wicked way with two brothers... from beyond the grave!

2. Haunted (1995)

David Ash (Aidan Quinn) and Christina Mariell (Kate Beckinsale) do the nasty before he knows she's a ghost. But since Ash is a paranormal investigator, I doubt that prior knowledge of her supernatural status would have stopped him. And she's Kate Beckinsale, guys!

3. The Haunting Passion (1983)

Julia Evans (Jane Seymour) gets ravished by a romantic spectre. Who cares if it's a TV movie which leaves more to the imagination than it shows? Who even cares if ripoff artists are selling it on bootleg DVDs for over $100 on Amazon? "The Haunting Passion" allowed a whole generation of horny pubescent boys to see Jane Seymour have orgasms all over the place.

4. Return to House on Haunted Hill (2007)

Lesbian ghosts (Oksana Borbat and Xeniya Fesenko) bring out the best in Michelle (Cerina Vincent), you know what I'm saying? If you have no idea what I mean, it's time for you to "Return to House on Haunted Hill" again!

5. Prom Night II (1987)

Probably the sexiest ghost from the late '80s, it's Mary Lou Maloney (Lisa Schrage). Give or take some minor possessions, she's behind all the naughtiness in this movie.

6. The Others (2001)

It's not just because Nicole Kidman is hot. Oh no, it's not that simple in a list like this. Don't forget that Christopher Eccelstone turns up half-way through to give her a good seeing to. Now that's sexy!

7. High Spirits (1988)

"Skelping takes a lot out of you," unless you're Darryl Hannah and it makes your performance in a comedy-horror (which isn't funny or horrific) a million times more memorable!

8. The Legend of Hell House (1973)

Technically, Florence Tanner (Pamela Franklin) isn't diddled by a ghost, but she thinks she is. Gayle Hunnicutt gets all horny later too, which makes Emeric Belasco's possession something other than just rampantly heterosexual. Well, we are told that orgies occurred in Hell House, so Belasco must have been a right greedy bugger in his prime.

9. The Shining (1980)

I think we all know what happens when Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) thinks he's going to have sexy-funtime with Lia Beldam. It's hot until she changes unless you're into granny porn... and then it's even hotter!

10. The Entity (1982)

Again it's not technically a ghost who gives Carla Moran (Barbara Hershey) a rough time—it's a demon—but it's not as if she doesn't get any pleasure out of it at all. Plus it's Barbara Hershey naked with invisible (compressed air) fingers prodding her boobs! What's not to like?

Bonus: American Horror Story (2011)

The young version of Moira (Alexandra Breckenridge) has lots of saucy moments in the first season of "American Horror Story", but the brief faux-lesbian scene with Elizabeth Short (Mena Suvari) has to be the icing on the cake! It's hard to believe that this aired nearly two years ago. Bring back Moira!

Can you think of any more?

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