October 16, 2013

Enough with the Paranormal Activity clones and parodies already!

Who would have thought that when "Paranormal CRAPtivity"—a low-budget haunted house movie that most people only liked because of buxom beauty Katie Featherston and the original downbeat ending which was changed to a lamer one—came out in 2007, it would lead to so many clones and parodies?


When it comes to clones, the Japanese almost got there first with their "Official Sequel" which came out (on November 20th, 2010) before the true sequel (actually a prequel) in their country but a month later for everyone else. It was a nice try though.


Predictably, we then had two more "Paranormal Activity" cashgrabs which gave us exactly the same jump scares all over again but even less so. Sadly, a fifth movie is rumoured to be on the way next year too.


Back to 2009, and The Asylum just had to make their own mockbuster version called "Paranormal Entity". Bizarrely, it's slightly better than the movie it clones, and it's cheaper to buy. But then they had to go and ruin everything by renaming some of their not very good movies for the UK. "Paranormal Entity 2" is really "8213: Gacy House" (2010), in case you didn't already know.


Keeping their artwork in the same style, The Asylum also delivered "Paranormal Entity 3: The Exorcist Tapes" aka "Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes" (2011) and "Paranormal Entity 4: The Awakening" aka "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck" (2012) to the unsuspecting British public.


While not really the same thing, "Grave Encounters" (2011) and "Grave Encounters 2" (2012) would have earned less condemnation if they'd thought of some more original artwork to use. The sequel, however, is apparently full of YouTubers, which is enough reason to not watch it on its own.


It's this cloning of artwork that's started to get even more annoying than the movies on the DVDs inside the boxes! Shame on you, "Paranormal Incident" (2011) and "Paranormal Asylum" (2013). Who do you think you're fooling?


And then, of course, we had to have the spoofs, since horror has to be all about the comedy for certain Americans, doesn't it? Nyuk nyuk nyuk! No one cares! You may call it comedy, the rest of the Western world doesn't. We call it being jealous haters with no original thoughts of your own.


No, I couldn't find a sleeve for Jason Gerbay's "Abnormal Activity 2". I don't know if such a thing even exists (there's no IMDb page for it), but I don't intend to ever watch any of this no-budget "comedy" crap anyway. Perhaps it might be good, but I don't like comedies.


And then there were more... "Paranormal Calamity" (2010) and "Paranormal Parody" (2011). At least the latter unimaginatively lets you know exactly what it is!


And more... "Supernatural Activity" (2011) and "Paranormal Movie" (2012). Why?


Earlier this year, this nonsense seemed to reach its peak with Marlon Wayans' spoof "A Haunted House" (2013) and an inevitable porn parody. And that should have been the end of it. Really, it should have been.


But no! We also have an even more lacklustre offering in the form of "30 Nights of Paranormal Activity with the Devil Inside the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2013) and the equally abysmal "Paranormal Whacktivity" (2013) only released last night! Aaaargh!


For the love of God! Enough already! Please STOP!


Update: April 30th, 2015

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

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