May 24, 2013

Is there anything worth watching in the Redbox kiosk?

Last night I went out shopping and, for the first time in months, I had a quick look through what was new in the Redbox kiosk at my local grocery store. I'm sad to say that I was very disappointed by what I found. I've already reviewed the better known movies so there was only a 50/50 chance that I would find something to justify wasting even a dollar on anyway.

Since I'm not one of those people with a super-duper smartphone, I had no internet access available to me and just had to judge the titles by what their artwork looked like rather than the description available online. We've all been burnt by lurid cover art which promises more from a movie than it could ever deliver, but when it looks as generic as the current offerings, it's also a sure sign that the movie will be exactly what it claims to be.

Thanks Tardar Sauce, you took the words right out of my mouth.

Call it instinct or discernment, but I'm really glad that I had to wait until I got home and could compare with their low ratings on the IMDb before parting with my money. It's not that I usually trust the IMDb anyway when it comes to the higher scores (which have been boosted by shills and 12 year olds who shouldn't be allowed internet access until they turn 30), but because these were all so low, I'm inclined to believe them. The days of trusting to luck with a new horror movie are long since over for any of us.

I'm not going to go through all the Redbox horror movies as you are quite capable of doing that for yourself, but I will say something about a few which caught my eye and almost caused me to swipe my credit card through the slot.

The Millennium Bug (2011)

Apparently, the big selling point is that no CGI was used in this movie, but I'm not interested in bugs, hillbillies, B-movies or anything about it whatsoever. I've never heard of anyone in it or associated with it so I'm never going to watch it. The IMDb rating is only 5.1 right now, but I'm sure it will drop even further.

Hayride (2012)

Just from the artwork, it looks like a "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" clone so I'll pass. The IMDb rates it as 3.6.

The Dead Reborn (?)

This doesn't even exist on the IMDb because it's some kind of cobbled together anthology made out of three old movies by Full Moon. Without even seeing it, I can easily rate it as a 0 out of 10 and stand by that no matter what happens. The picture of a pram on the cover put me off straight away.

Home Sweet Home (2013)

Let's see now, it's a psychological thriller not a horror movie. It stars nobody I've ever heard of, and it's an independent film. Nope. Nothing for me here.

House Hunting (2013)

This one tempted me the most because it looks like a haunted house movie of some kind. The IMDb gives it 4.7 and the reviews suggest that this is a "Dead End" clone with a similar twist. So why bother? It's got Marc Singer in it who was TV famous in the '80s for "V", but that's about all.

Night of the Living Dead: Resurrection (2012)

Wait... "Resurrection"??? Oh, how cunning. Not Romero. Set in Wales. No, thank you. The IMDb gives it 3.0.

I could go on, but really what's the point? Apart from a load of Full Moon and The Asylum junk, there's nothing but more zombies, slashers/home invasions, apocalyptic viruses, and a couple of antichrist movies all made by nobodies with no budget and no talent.

Tomorrow, if I get bored enough, I'll start reviewing all the multipacks that I've bought but never watched.

Feel free to let me know if there's anything in the Redbox kiosks which you've took a chance on and found to be good.

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