December 29, 2012

My Top Five Worst YouTubers of 2012

One very obvious thing which I've noticed about YouTube is that 95% of the people making videos on there shouldn't be. A lot of YouTubers can barely form coherent sentences or just repeat themselves until they become boring while others alternate between being banal and self-deprecating so much that it makes you wonder if they have some kind of mental illness. You only have to look at the comments section under most YouTube videos to realise that the fanboys of the more popular channels aren't much better. Too many little kids are trolling the site, but worse than that, it's like the very worst people from Reddit and 4chan have taken it over.

YouTube has become so awful recently that I don't really like to go on there to grab trailers for my reviews if I can possibly avoid it. If things continue the way they are, I can't see the site lasting more than another couple of years before something better comes along. The sheer amount of cyberbullying which goes on will eventually force Google to lock the vile little kids out of YouTube completely. I'll never understand why they still allow 10-year-olds to make accounts or why parents let their kids watch the crap on there except that, in the first instance, more traffic means more ad revenue. The AdSense scam whereby people aren't getting paid for monetising their videos has also caused a lot of former YouTubers to give up anyway. The bottom line is that it's all about money, and YouTube isn't a very friendly place.

I could be mean and pick out the "worst five" horrible YouTubers who don't have many subscribers, but the subscribers number is only a reflection of the way YouTube manufactured and promoted its own celebrities. Just like the days of Tila Tequila and Forbidden on MySpace, a lot of it is about who got on there first. Subscriber numbers can consist of thousands of dead accounts, and they are certainly no indication of talent.

Instead, I've chosen the people who've been making videos for quite a while and, in my opinion, should know better. Have a look at this lot, and let the horror begin!

1. MissHannahMinx

There are only two reasons why any of her 435,720 subscribers watch Miss Hannah Minx, and you don't have to be a genius to see what they are. I will give her credit for providing the over-cutesy tease which the unwashed, pre-pubescent masses lap up, but the content of her videos is so devoid of anything satisfying that I can't make it though even one of them. She's a kind of joke character like Elvira except not funny and not entertaining. Unless you are desperate to see cleavage then I don't understand the attraction because, should you ever have a girlfriend who behaves like Miss Hannah Minx in real life, I can guarantee that it won't be a bed of roses at all. Mercifully, she's barely made any new videos this year.

2. Zoella

What is this insipid crap? Apparently, it's a serious attempt at recreating the blandness of morning TV in Britain. Yes, serious! It's not even a parody! This also has 413,509 subscribers!!! Ugh! What is wrong with people? If you view this, make sure you have your AdBlock enabled, because mediocrity doesn't deserve any financial reward. I couldn't even make it through 2 minutes of one of the videos on this channel without wanting to vomit.

3. PossessedbyHorror

If you think I'm being mean to someone with only 2,387 subscribers, think again. Sarah Hawkinson has 352 uploaded videos and 38,914 subscribers on her main channel which puts her in the same league as Coolduder (below). She's in this for the money, has no real interest in horror movies, comes across as scared of her own shadow, and is clearly a bag of nerves. It's hard to hate someone you don't know, but I challenge you to get through one of her attention deficit "reviews" without wanting to shake some sense into her. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so vain, self-centred, or as thick as two short planks about a subject since iJustine. On the plus side, she's a cat lover.

4. Coolduder

According to his stats, Shawn C. Phillips has made over 1,232 videos on his channel and has 38,481 subscribers. That doesn't make him a very big player except physically and, in fairness, he hasn't changed his style since he joined YouTube in 2006, but his movie reviews suck! Not only does he like almost everything indiscriminately, he doesn't so much review as just retell the plot of every movie in his own words. "Coolduder" must be conscious of what he's doing because he's a making a damned good living out of YouTube and getting lots of DVDs for free, so why would he bother to do it properly? Shawn, you are a very tragic man.

5. TheReplyGirl

Thankfully, the age of the "reply girls" including Alejandra (above) is now over, but it became a huge problem in 2012. Basically, several girls with monetised accounts (some of which, unfortunately, still exist but aren't being watched) started making 10 or 15 second replies (or whatever the very minimum length of a video could be) to anyone who was getting featured on YouTube's front page so that they could make money off the same audience. They used the same tags and the same titles in their own videos just so that they would feature on the front page right next to their target. Cleavage and misleading thumbnails almost guaranteed that little boys would click on them. It was ingenious in some ways, but so annoying and devoid of content that YouTube removed the monetisation and ended the problem after many complaints. If only YouTube would remove the monetisation from every account on YouTube, it would be a much better site.

Runner-up: Ramboraph4life

Matt has almost as many uploaded videos as he does subscribers, and that's a bad thing for someone who has only had this particular account for 2 years. Seriously, 1425 uploads in two years!!! It's insane. Most of his movie reviews are barely watchable due to Matt's pained expressions, whining voice, spitting, expletive-laden rants, and the repetition of the same points over and over again. Even at 15 minutes long, each video is a chore to get through. On the plus side, Matt does actually watch all the movies himself and occasionally comes up with some valid (although second-hand/acquired) criticism. For someone who has made the number of videos which he has, you'd think he would have learned from his mistakes by now. The video above is actually one of his better attempts.

So there you have my worst YouTubers of 2012. Who are yours? Also, would you be interested if I was to review individual YouTube videos on this blog in the future?

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