September 9, 2011

Crap I've watched on Netflix - part 8

Here are another five horror films which I didn't make it through on Netflix.

The InheritanceThe Inheritance (2011)

"This grisly thriller follows five cousins who are accompanied by friends to a cabin in rural Vermont, where they are to learn about an eagerly anticipated inheritance. But Uncle Melvin's welcome signals the beginning of a horrifying ordeal."

The "horrifying ordeal" was watching this boring movie in the first place. Nothing happened, the acting was really bad, and it didn't make a whole lot of sense. It was something about sacrificing children to a witchdoctor but I have no idea why since I switched it off after less than 30 minutes.

Fright FlickFright Flick (2011)

"After the female lead in a cut-rate horror movie turns up slashed to death in the middle of production, the rest of the cast and crew find themselves wondering who's responsible for the carnage - and who'll be the next to bite the dust. Former teen heartthrob Chad Allen leads an oddball cast of characters in a fabulously gory indie slasher flick satirizing Hollywood. As filming continues, tension among the principals turns absolutely murderous."

So, it was supposed to be a comedy? I switched it off after seeing all the boobs on display and the useless actresses who they were attached to. Absolute crap. Worst. Acting. Ever! Fast-forward is your friend.

The Video DeadThe Video Dead (1987)

"When teenagers Jeff (Rocky Duvall) and Zoe Blair (Roxanna Augesen) move into their new house before their parents arrive, they discover the television from hell: Flesh-eating zombies walk straight off the screen, looking for some tasty human dinner. Now the siblings join forces with neighbors April (Victoria Bastel) and Joshua (Sam David McClelland) - who supply a machete, bow and arrow, and chainsaw - in a bloody fight for their lives."

This didn't even get two minutes of my time. Just the look of this low-budget '80s crapfest put me off. i had it on in the background while I was Tweeting my usual facetious answers to the trending topics. Was it supposed to be a zombie film? Who even cares? This was hardly "Terrorvision".

Colin [Two Disc Special Edition]Colin (2008)

"Bitten by a ravenous zombie, Colin (Alastair Kirton) slowly adjusts to his freaky new existence as part of the living dead. While trekking across London, this antihero mingles with fellow flesh-eaters, hunts down human survivors and battles gun-toting enemies. An impressive debut feature by director Marc Price, this micro-budget horror movie also stars Daisy Aitkens, Kate Alderman and Leanne Pammen."

Micro-budget? No, thank you! If you haven't got enough money to make a horror film properly, please don't! I got through the kitchen scene at the start, but, when Colin fell through the window, that was where we parted company forever. I've seen better YouTube videos than this.

Forget Me NotForget Me Not (2009)

"A party-filled graduation weekend turns into a nightmare for popular class president Sandy Channing (Carly Schroeder) when her friends begin to vanish one by one. Soon Sandy discovers they have awakened the vengeful spirit of a girl they mistreated years ago. Now she must work to resolve the dark mysteries of her past before she and all her friends become unwilling victims in this bloody horror flick."

I made it almost half-way through this one before it became as tedious as whichever Asian horror it copied most of its plot from. Who dances at a party without any music?

I'm really starting to hate Netflix now.

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