August 10, 2011

Crap I've watched on Netflix - part 5

I've got to stop putting myself through this torture. Here are some more terrible horror movies which I've forced myself to watch just for the sake of another post.

Time of Her LifeTime of Her Life (2005)

"Photography student Ally (Laura Penneycard) is plagued by nights filled with strange dreams she can't explain. Unseen forces soon draw her to an elegant country mansion, where a desperately lonely specter (Geoff Shaw) begs for her help in finding his long-lost love - a beautiful servant girl named Catherine. Director Steven M. Smith's supernatural romantic drama was filmed at the historic Hylands House in Essex, England."

If all you want from a ghostie film is non-existent acting, annoying background music, and a lead actress who looks like she can smell something bad all the time then this is the one for you. I could smell something bad too as soon as I started watching this amateur crap.

Sea of FearSea of Fear (2005)

"On a sailboat excursion, four friends discover that the open sea is anything but calm when the boat's navigator suddenly vanishes, and an eerie ship seems to be on their trail. Now, an unseen murderer is eliminating passengers one by one, and mistrust consumes the paranoid remaining survivors. Eventually, the truth will rise to the surface but not before the maritime maniac sinks a few more victims."

Oh great, a PG-13 rated "slasher" (and I use that term very loosely) on a boat. Yawn! I still can't believe that I made it all the way through this confusing mess and I'm still none the wiser as to what it was even about other than a rich girl's "game". The girls in it were exceptionally pretty though.

R-PointR-Point (2004)

"After receiving an unnerving radio transmission from a platoon that disappeared six months earlier, a reconnaissance team - led by Lt. Choi Tae-in (Woo-seong Kam) - is dispatched to track down the missing soldiers. Setting up camp in an abandoned mansion, the rescue squad soon discovers that it houses evil spirits. This atmospheric Vietnam War-era chiller is one of South Korea's highest-grossing horror films."

Stupid soldiers get possessed by the ghost of a girl in a haunted house and end up killing each other. There's nothing here that you haven't already seen before if you remember "The Keep" (1983) or "Deathwatch" (2002). It was filmed well but made hardly any sense at all as it struggled to be too clever for its own good. It was really slow too.

Apartment 1303Apartment 1303 (2007)

"While celebrating her new apartment with her friends, a young woman suddenly and inexplicably leaps from the balcony, killing herself. Unconvinced that it was a suicide, the victim's sister searches for the sinister truth behind the tragedy. Her investigation into the apartment reveals a dark history and the existence of an unspeakable, powerful evil. What fate awaits the next tenant in this tale of terror?"

A cheap looking rip-off of "The Grudge" with all the usual clich├ęs which you'd expect to find in a Japanese ghost story. It ran out of steam half-way through and just plodded along to a predictable ending. I thought it was going to be a J-horror version of "1408" but, obviously, it wasn't.

Vanishing on 7th Street (+ Digital Copy)Vanishing on 7th Street (2010)

"No one can explain the mystery when residents of a vibrant urban center begin disappearing one by one. But it seems to have something to do with the shadowy figures they come into contact with right before they vanish. Hayden Christensen, Thandie Newton, John Leguizamo, Jacob Latimore and Taylor Groothuis co-star in this independent thriller from director Brad Anderson (Transsiberian, The Machinist)."

Yet another apocalyptic tale which was derivative of at least a dozen others. Basically, it was a mixture of "Phantoms", "Pitch Black", "Darkness Falls", "The Mist" and "The Langoliers" but with no real explanation of why any it was happening. There was a stupid mention of the Roanoke Island disappearances and the ending looked like a scene from "The Walking Dead" complete with a police horse. Other than that, "Vanishing on 7th Street" was completely forgettable.

I've got an idea for Netflix. Why don't they just delete all the movies that have received a certain number of "Hated It" ratings and replace them with something new? Anybody who actually enjoys films this bad must have something severely wrong with them.

No comments:

Post a Comment