August 9, 2011

Crap I've watched on Netflix - part 4

By now, I don't think this series of posts needs any introduction. These are the horror films that I recently suffered through on Netflix. It's about time they put some decent ones on the stream, isn't it?

Edges of DarknessEdges of Darkness (2008)

"The undead roam Earth after a global apocalypse in this collection of three films, each following survivors' tales as they battle flesh-eating zombies, vicious vampires and crazed holy men bent on finishing God's judgment. While a girl captured by vampires discovers her own way to fight back, a lonely writer uses a macabre energy source to power his computer, and a survivalist protects a boy who manifests a whole new kind of evil."

There were only two reasons to watch this crap, Michelle Rose as Heather (or Lara Croft?) in the first strand of the story and Annemarie Pazmino as Natalie in the second. It was just too ambitious and confusing to be any good but, with a budget of only $25,000, what do you expect? I can see where $5 of it went but I wonder what they spent the other $24,995 on?

ShadowShadow (2009)

"The horrors of combat pale in comparison to what awaits Iraq War veteran David (Jake Muxworthy) when he sets off on a European biking adventure, only to ride into a nightmare after crossing paths with a sadistic butcher named Mortis (Nuot Arquint). Taken captive by the bloodthirsty psycho - who's eager to inflict atrocities more twisted than anything the soldier saw on the battlefield - David soon finds himself in a desperate fight for his life."

This could have been very good but obviously it wasn't. At one point, I thought it was going to be just like "The Human Centipede" but it wasn't. The stupid "Jacob's Ladder" ending ruined everything that went on before it although there wasn't all that much to get excited about in the first place. It's Italian but it only had one thing in common with older Italian horror movies, it was just as crap.

RottweilerRottweiler (2004)

"Man's best friend turns into one unlucky soul's worst nightmare in this horror flick set in 2018. After Dante (William Miller) escapes from a detention center for illegal immigrants in southern Spain, he faces down a half-robotic Rottweiler with steel incisors - and a thirst for blood. What ensues is an unrelenting pursuit that leaves the desperate fugitive with no respite from the hellish hound."

Actually this wasn't the worst thing that I've ever seen and it did have some nice gore but the story itself was rambling, pointless and awful. Brain Yuzna used to be capable of so much more before he fell in love with using cheap Spanish actors and crews to make his terrible movies.

Sleeping Car [VHS]The Sleeping Car (1990)

"Down on his luck and recently divorced, Jason McCree (David Naughton) sets out to start anew by studying journalism and renting a converted sleeping car. But the apartment turns out to be haunted by his landlord's late husband, who won't leave Jason alone. After one too many sleepless nights lost, a desperate Jason turns to a local exorcist (Kevin McCarthy) for help in silencing his roommate."

Since I'm not into really bad horror-comedies starring David Naughton, there were only two good reasons to watch this ghost story all the way through, Judie Aronson and Dani Minnick. I still didn't enjoy it much.

Spirit LostSpirit Lost (1996)

"Get ready to be spooked! A young couple buys an old home on an intoxicatingly beautiful island; unbeknownst to them, however, the house is haunted by a seductive ghost who's lonely and looking for a new lover. She eventually lures the husband, a painter, into moving into his attic studio while she tries to scare away his now unhappy and pregnant wife."

This turned out to be a very bland reworking of "A Haunting Passion" but with a black couple and the husband of that couple being the artist rather than the wife. It had a lot of potential as the acting was really good but the effects were very poor, it was really slow and tedious, and none of it was scary. I'm still not happy about what happened to the cat.

Click to rate the movie "Hated It"? Oh, yes, indeed! 2617 times so far. Netflix is obviously not a good place for horror movies right now.

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