Ever since the overhyped and absolutely awful French "Inside", I've had a very healthy distrust of this method of using complete nobodies from the internet to recommend products. "One of the scariest movies I have ever seen in my life." Puh-leese. Give me a break!
For a start, most of the original reviews go into far greater depth than "It's two thumbs up from me!' but that'll be the only part which ever gets reprinted. One line or some exciting and alliterative words tell me nothing about the film at all.
Looking through my DVD collection, I've noticed a bit of a trend with the "Thumbs up!" business from Roger Ebert too. He may be a "real" film critic but you'd think he could give a horror film a few words every now and then rather than just parts of his anatomy. I must have over 50 DVDs now where all it says is 'Two thumbs way up!" I can tell you where to stick those thumbs too, Roger, especially after watching the films.
Similarly, what's with all the "one of the best films of the year" nonsense? According to my collection I now have titles ranging from "one of the best" and "best in a long time" to "absolutely the best you will ever see". Depending on the date of these movies, I do of course take it all with a huge pinch of salt.
Some of the more embarrassing quotations though have always come from "Bloody Disgusting". For instance, on the back of "Hatchet", Brad Miska says, "Amongst the greatest slasher flicks of all time". Are you kidding me? I can name about 100 slasher films right now and "Hatchet", entertaining as it was, wouldn't be on that list. On "The Ruins", another great Miska quotation consisting of nothing but a short series of adjectives - "intense, disturbing and gut-wrenching" - does little to inspire confidence about what I know is on that DVD especially as in my opinion, it is none of those things. I'm sure if you look through your own DVDs, you'll find quite a few of these comments which will amuse you.
I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh about all this useless promotion. Most people rarely look at the sleeves anyway nowadays and just grab the latest thing whether it's good, bad or totally insipid. For a certain demographic, the words "must see" are just what they do anyway and are totally without any weight whatsoever. If you rent from Netflix, you'll never encounter an original DVD case. It's only when you are buying movies for your own collection that what's written on the back may even matter.
I have learned my lesson by believing some of the hype in the past though. When Fangoria used to tout certain movies as if they were the second-coming in plastic, I got burned a few times too. I still can't believe that I watched "Brainscan" and even more that I actually bought "Seed of Chucky" (albeit for $3 in Big Lots!).
I've seen comments on films from TV stations I've never heard of, websites that don't even exist, and newspapers that I can't ever imagine having a circulation to more than a dozen people yet for some bizarre reason they still stick them on the DVDs. I'm pretty sure that somewhere out there there's probably some obscure title that has put my web presence as an endorsement. If you should ever see one with "Two Thumbs Up Your Arse! - Dr Blood's Video Vault" please be aware that I had nothing to do with it and you shouldn't buy that film ever!
There are a great many factors that will sell a DVD to somebody including the cover art, the content and, ultimately, the price. But recommendations from websites? You have to be joking.
No matter who you are, whether "Bloody Disgusting", "Dread Central", "Shock Till You Drop", "Ain't It Cool News", "Arrow in the Head" or just Tom, Dick or Harry (Knowles) from any number of online blogs and forums, do you really think that anyone cares what you have to say about anything now especially when the same tired old lines could be attributed to anybody at all? How can you sell out that little bit of credibility that you could have had? Was a free DVD really worth it?
I have an idea for the DVD distributors though which may change all this. Why not have the reviewers write the DVD description honestly? Now that would be an original concept. Imagine next time you pick up "Monster Venus Flytraps From Planet Lesbian" and it says, "In my opinion, this film has an amusing title but no content worth watching..." Wouldn't that be wonderful? It would save us all loads of time and we wouldn't need to blog about all the wasted hours we've spent sifting through movies which no-one in their right mind would want to watch just to find a few good ones to write about!
Well, that's my October rant over. Leave me a comment or two and let me know what you think of the skillfully designed marketing prose on the back of your DVDs.
I don't see the distinction between "complete nobodies on the internet" and "real" film reviewers. Some of those complete nobodies are far better capable of commenting on genre films than the real reviewer... and I can think of a couple of real critics who should STOP reviewing horror films, because they clearly hate the genre and go out of their way to slam even good ones.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I don't pay much attention to pull-quotes from anybody. The involvement of creative talent or actors I've liked in the past, and clever poster/cover or interesting story summary is what will sell the film to me, not a blurb, no matter who it's from.
I've been quoted on a number of DVD covers--and, yeah, it does my ego good whenever I see my name--but it's never influenced whether I've given a film a good or bad review. The same is true as to whether I've paid for the film or gotten it for free. I call them as I see them, always have.
I just find it amusing that the movie companies seem to choose these completely random people and ascribe a couple of words to them to try and sell their DVDs. They might as well print, "It's scary!" and pick somebody off the street or make up a completely fictitious name in the first place for all that it's worth.
ReplyDeleteSome of the DVD sleeve quotes are hilariously out of touch with the content of the DVDs too and it makes it look like the "reviewer" didn't even see the film in the first place.
Oh, I feel that way about entire reviews some times. Both in print and on blogs, I've seen "reviews" that are based not on the film but on the press release that came with it.
ReplyDeleteI guess my take is that using blurbs from bloggers is no more picking a random person than it is to do if from a print journalist. As a one-time print journalist, I can tell you that they are no more knowledgeable or reliable than a dedicated blogger.
The only DVD that has been graced by a quote from my site (to my knowledge) is a pretty bad movie. I was just starting out with Doomed Moviethon and I didn't want to rip the producer/director/writer to shreds. It wasn't because I was hoping to get my quote on the DVD or schmooze with filmmakers, I was just terrified of being mean. Looking back on the review, it is too positive. Eventually, I got over this and my reviews for screeners because more balanced. In fact, I've had a few irate directors blast me for negative reviews in some angry emails.
ReplyDeleteSo anyway, it wasn't until nearly a year after my review that I found out that my quote had landed on the cover of their DVD. I was happy but at the same time I was disappointed with myself for a quote that might (MIGHT) actually encourage someone to check out a crappy flick. So I have personally contributed to the problem. I accept less screeners nowadays primarily because I want to watch what I want to watch and besides, I hate crushing the hopes and dreams of indie horror moviemakers.
As for silly quotes on DVD/posters, my favorite one is on The Eye (the original, not the remake) poster. It isn't as generic as the "scariest film I've ever seen" bit but it's pretty ridiculous.
It says:
"Creepy, masterful, and truly terrifying... This is what horror should be like." -Aintitcoolnews.com
Talk about your overhyped films. The Eye really didn't do anything for me. I can't imagine a quote like that doing anything but setting people up for disappointment.
That's exactly what I'm talkin' 'bout. :)
ReplyDeleteAintitcoolnews.com and Harry Knowles have a lot to answer for with these over enthusiastic phrases. I've only got a few DVDs with their words on them and they are all way overboard with the praise.
Years ago Bloody-Disgusting lost all credibility during their great "Platinum Dunes" scandal of course and these other "big" websites also seem to be hurtling along the same path.
I only accept screeners from two P.R. companies now and I've actually refused to review a lot of movies because you couldn't even call them that.