July 16, 2006

The Tooth Fairy (2006)

"When 12-year-old Pamela goes on vacation with her family to a bed and breakfast, the girl who lives next door tells her the 'true story' of the Tooth Fairy: Many years earlier, the evil Tooth Fairy slaughtered a countless number of children to take their teeth, and now she has returned to kill Pamela and anyone else who gets in her way."

Well that IMDb description is wrong for a start. The little girl's parents have actually bought the old farm with the intention of turning it into a bed and breakfast.

I suppose the rest of that plot outline will suffice. Yes, it's all pretty much the same idea as "Darkness Falls" just not half as good. Since "Darkness Falls" was a stinker too, don't expect much from this movie. The only thing they have in common is a tooth fairy.

When it started I thought it was going to be a kids film. Yes, it has horrible child actors in it again. I suppose it can't be helped as "The Tooth Fairy" is up there with Santa Claus in ridiculous tales that little kids believe.

Santa Claus isn't real. It's just your dad or some random guy dressed up.
End of Spoiler

There is some gore in this film but not very often. I enjoyed the wood-chipping machine and the nailing to a door but the genitals getting hacked off the redneck brother was the real icing on the cake. It was all too quick to be completely satisfying though.

The acting sucks but I think that's down to the director, Chuck Bowman, and the team of screenwriters more than the cast. The dialogue is just so lazy. But what do you expect from a Stephen J. Cannell production? I mean, he's only famous for the "A Team", isn't he?

The reactions of the characters to certain events though are very stupid. They just don't get emotional about anything. Not even the threat of a rape or the deaths of other characters seem to phase the two leads. "It's ok, it's ok" says Lochlyn Munro to Carrie Fleming just after Steve Bacic gets hacked to pieces before her character could shag his. No, it's not OK!!! What is wrong with you? She just fainted on top of a headless torso. What could possibly be OK about that!?!

Also the supernatural elements are a bit ludicrous. Why would the tooth fairy, which is a ghost here, actually need to open doors and close them behind it? And how come the ghostly kids need to concentrate to make a candle in a jar smash but can easily pick up sticks to beat the crap out of the tooth fairy? Continuity needed people!

There were some nice looking women in it though. Mmm, Chandra West...

I think I also saw a couple of breasts too. I might be mistaken though. I've seen a lot of breasts recently and they are all going through my mind all the time now. All jiggling away in there. No wonder my brain is turning to mush.

Anyway, it's a below average film which could kill a few minutes for you. Trust me, you'll have this on fast forward most of the time for the gory set pieces and the boobs. The dialogue is really not worth listening to.

My rating is a massive 2 out of 10. I'd give it more but without the gore and few expletives this could have been a PG. I hate kids films!

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