July 28, 2006

Scorpius Gigantus (2006)

"When Russian mafia try to steal what they believe to be uranium from a research lab, they accidentally release an army of giant indestructable scorpions with titanium bodies and human DNA! Can Major Nick Reynolds (Jeff Fahey) and his Delta Force team rid the earth of this menace before evolution takes a nasty turn for the worse?"

Yes, probably, but who cares? It's a load of old CGI nonsense with poor acting and dialogue anyway.

This was only released a few years ago, but the idea is so dated that it even stole the main elements of the plot from "Carnosaur 3"!!! Actually it did more than steal the main elements. Most of the scenes and dialogue are identical!!! And when I say "most" I mean 99.9 percent is identical! Just replace the dinosaurs in "Carnosaur 3" with scorpions and you have this! I now have a bad feeling that there may even be a sequel to this one day too.

I don't particularly like Jeff Fahey as an actor (apart from when he was in "The Lawnmower Man"), and I found him to be suitably unimpressive in this movie. In fact, everyone was just going through the motions. Even Jo Bourne-Taylor (from Sky One's "Dream Team") couldn't save it by being a pretty but cold scientist (oh no, what a cliché!)! I was hoping it was going to turn into a comedy at some point, but it wasn't even bad enough to be funny. By the way, I hate comedies.

I really can't find anything good to say about this apart from it had giant CGI scorpions in and you don't see those every day! You don't see a lot of them here either as most of the action takes place in dark and gloomy warehouses to presumably save on the budget. There are a couple of gory death scenes, one soldier gets sliced in half and another sexy Czech girl soldier gets her head pulled off, but you have to wait until almost the end for those.

Oh well, at least it had Russians in it... briefly. You could tell they were Russians by the way they all wore black leather jackets and sunglasses. Yup, that's how bad this film is!

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