July 8, 2000

Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy (1990)

"In this long-awaited unofficial sequel to Troma’s controversial classic Bloodsucking Freaks, hot babes with killer instincts shoot, maim and slaughter their way through all men that cross their path. Their weapons are sterile, their bodies are fertile, and any thought of escape is futile! In a remote fortress, a sinister sorority of surgically skilled sisters lie in wait of their next victim. They control a bevy of caged women who have been brain washed and sponge-bathed to become the worlds most anatomically awesome surgeons."

Now not all Troma movies are this dire (some are actually quite funny in their bizarreness) so, when I read the blurb that said that it would be about "nurses in a metropolitan hospital who seduce then murder male patients", I thought I might be in for a minor classic of sexploitation. How wrong I was!

This movie is just so slow! There are a lot of pretty women but apart from a few lingering lingerie shots they don't really do anything. Just lots of lounging around with an overly serious voiceover telling the story of each character as they are introduced.

The voiceovers explaining what is going on are something that really belong in a trailer not the main feature. I kept waiting for them to end and for the real movie to start but they just kept on going! And then some kind of "Battle Royale" subtitle thing appeared as well just to make it even crappier!

I'm sure there is supposed to be a story to this film, but it escaped me entirely. All I got from it was that, when not lounging around, the "nurses" stroll round some woods often wearing thigh-length boots and carrying machine guns and occasionally shoot each other for no apparent reason. Some heads explode and one bloke gets his feet sliced off but this could never be described as a horror movie.

I don't really see the point of why they are nurses. They don't do any "nursing" as they seem to be more like some kind of soldiers. There was a pointless "operation" scene near the start which I still don't understand so I suppose that's where the idea that they are nurses comes from.

In fact, I didn't understand a great deal of this movie. I am most baffled by why this was even made at all. It's not horror, it's just crap.

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