July 15, 2005

Demon Hunter (2005)

"After resolving a situation of exorcism, the half-breed demon hunter Jake Greyman (Sean Patrick Flanery) reports to Cardinal White (William Bassett) and they realize that the demon Asmodeus (Billy Drago) is impregnating many mortals trying to raise offspring. Cardinal White calls Sister Sarah Ryan (Colleen Porch) to assist Jake in his hunting for Asmodeus and his women. Meanwhile, Asmodeus sends the delicious and sexy Succubus (Tania Deighton) to seduce Jake. A battle between good and evil is on course."

Doesn't it sound just like "Constantine"? Also if I'd wanted to watch a low-budget ripoff of "Blade", I'd have watched the TV series version instead. Actually, this is probably more like a no-budget version of "Angel" with more elements of "Constantine" than "Blade" but, since I absolutely hate that crappy TV series and I hated this film, I think the comparison is a fair one.

For God's sake, the succubus woman, Tania Deighton, has fake horns sticking out of her head!!! Duh! Is that so we know she is a demon perhaps? Why didn't they just paint her green and call her Lorne as well?

Oh this was bad. I knew it would be when I saw the trailer but nothing could have prepared me for the reality. Isn't Sean Patrick Flanery supposed to be a real actor nowadays not a B movie actor? He wasn't very good in this anyway so perhaps he's found a new niche.

I am absolutely incredulous to the point of speechlessness at how ineptedly handled this whole film was. From the very beginning where our hero beats the crap out of a demon possessed girl who was undergoing an exorcism, the words "Constantine" and "Ripoff" screamed at me from parts of my mind which had chosen to forget all about how bad "Constantine" was too for the time being. Then when we are told that he is a "half breed" demon, Wesley Snipes jumped up and down in that other special happy place in my brain that savours the action movies shrieking "Blade ripoff" too.

That's all that really needs to be said about this pile of cack. It's overlong, there isn't much action, there's only one really sexy scene and that involves some old grandad in a leather coat, and it just sucks. I didn't even fancy the nun! Well, only a little bit...

I'll give it 2 out of 10 for Tania Deighton's horns.

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