October 18, 2000

Suspiria (1977)

Boring '70s crapfest with hardly any plot, poor acting, terrible dialogue and a monotonous soundtrack. If you watch a dubbed version, it is even more ridiculous and cheesy.

I have no idea why people like this film other than having some weird need to be pretentious about pseudo-arty nonsense made in Italy. Dario Argento is simply one of the worst directors ever and every "giallo" he made was a meaningless mess. This is slightly more watchable than "Tenebrae" or "Inferno" but not by much.

Apart from a few pretty girls and some innovative gore scenes for the time, there really is nothing outstanding about "Suspiria" at all. In fact, it will seem very slow and tedious to most people and, of course, isn't scary in any way.

There are attempts at suspense but there is never any real payoff to any of them. Things just run out of steam or end up looking badly edited. The best description of this movie is the often used phrase, "style over substance".

I've yet to find any real horror fan who still likes this even though it was hyped beyond belief in the early days by people who simply didn't know any better.

It's something you'll probably watch once just out of curiousity and then wish you had your life back.

"The Only Thing More Boring Than The First 12 Minutes Of This Film Are The Last 92."

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